She told me not to wax for him
“When I started high-school, my mom came in and said it was time for the birds and the bees chat. And one of the first things she said to me was not to ever wax my vagina because I don’t want to look like a little girl down there.”
My daughter’s friend had just spoken her 14-year-old understanding of her responsibility in burgeoning sexuality – to ensure she doesn’t contribute to hebephilia (the sexual preference for early adolescent children…you know, those without pubic hair).
I didn’t know whether to be impressed that her mother had even covered grooming in her sex ed chat or mortified that her sexual script already had pejorative boundaries on her sensual autonomy.
My daughter looked confused at hearing this, seeking my eyes out for a response.
How does one honor this other mother’s voice while not denying the sex positive parenting I’ve worked so hard to instill in my own household??
“Well hon, I think it comes down to YOUR preferences babe. Reminds me of that razor commercial where, as each woman walked by a bush, the shape changed to reflect her own unique trimming preference, if you know what I mean?
Some women like it all off; completely bare, because they find it comfortable or perhaps because they feel sexier that way. Others like to keep a landing strip or even a different shape. Some even dye their hair down there or bedazzle it!
Whatever makes YOU feel good.
And hopefully you both find men who love and honor a woman’s body and respect her right to adorn it however she sees fit.
It’s ok to ask what he’s into and see if it matches what you’re into…in fact, you probably should, but don’t ever feel like you should be pressured into something that doesn’t make you feel beautiful or sexy or desired.”
….*crickets for a few seconds*
“Yeah totally,” says the friend.
“Umm…I think I want to shave and not get waxed. That sounds painful anyway,” laughs my daughter.
The song changes on the radio and suddenly it was, “TURN IT UP PUHLEAZE! THIS IS MY JAM!”
And just like that, for them, moment over. But for me…the revolution of sacred sexuality just got kicked up a notch.
The mantle is about to be passed on and it can’t include a starter kit of patriarchal confinement and Barbie girl pacification.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tamara Powell, LMHC is a licensed therapist, university psychology instructor, and empowerment coach who believes life should be lived as a journey that is “anything but ordinary.”
Passionate about holding sacred space for the rebels and mystics of the world – the healers, the visionaries, and the creatives, she guides them in bringing their soul driven purpose to the planet in a very practical and powerful way.